I kid you not.
I have been so busy in recent days that i have had no time to go to the toilet, and it has resulted in some painful constipation. It is ridiculous. I hope i don’t develop haemorrhoids or rectal prolapses.
Anyway i have been wanting to talk about shit since i was thinking this through in Japan. Not the best topic to read, so skip if you must, but write i will.
When i was in Japan, i used to get incredibly incredulous and frustrated every time i visited the toilet. There are so many dials and buttons, or the lack of it. I either spend a few minutes trying to interpret the diagrams and the Japanese characters attempting to figure out which is the flush button or hunt around for the concealed buttons all for an aesthetically-pleasing look. It was infuriating.
If you hit the wrong button, you get squirted by a jet of water, whose strength you can adjust with more buttons. Plus there are squirts for your front and back passages, and seriously, i do not want to be squirted at all. Then there are those toilets with no buttons at all. NO BUTTONS! It took me a while before i realized that it is similar to one of those sensor taps (akin to the ones used in hospitals), where you wave madly in front of the sensor to activate the flush. Except the sensor is located near the bottom of the bowl and to activate it, you need to stoop pretty low, with one’s face near the stinking bowl (granted it is one’s own waste but still, i have no wish to sniff any of it – there is a reason why i excreted it!). I tried my foot but the damn sensor must use infrared technology because the sensor took no notice of my shoe. Oh well.
The other thing that got me thinking was why the Japanese had to invent such fanciful toilets. I reckon it is their diet. When i was in Japan, my stools went from a Type 3 to a Type 5 on the Bristol stool chart. You have to use half a roll of toilet paper before you are wiped clean. No wonder all these fascination with water!
Anyway that was just some of the observations and analysis that i carry out. Makes for wonderful conversation, don’t you reckon?