Tumble thoughts

Due to send the dog to the boarding kennel in about half an hour. Am already thinking and knowing that i will miss her lying by my feet, her head resting on my leg as i work on my computer tonight, or her slouching against me on the couch and lying beside the bed when i am reading my book. Such dependence on canines is almost maddening.

I invested in an agility ladder yesterday. I have only seen it once in use during soccer training and that was with the men’s team. The women’s team never trained using it – never understood why and never questioned because i was new to the club. Then two days ago, after my horrifying rapid deterioration in skills during a soccer game (a mere two weeks – still stupefied i have to say, but fortunately it was not a complete regression though i have to brace myself for the inevitable when i return from traveling in January), i really panicked. I am trying to keep up with the team and this is not helping. I was looking up private coaching and then i chanced upon a video where training included the use of a speed ladder. I googled more about the use of a speed ladder and was convinced.

There are two things i need to work on in soccer – positioning [and i realize that can come either from reading (see, this is what i do – i read up when i am frustrated. It is universal – BJJ (remember the book i bought? – helped heaps until i started executing holds we were not taught and the other beginners started asking me how to demonstrate those moves and i was attracting too much attention and i just toned it down a bit) or someone coaches me on it] and agility. I have noticed that my positioning has improved but my turns and quick moves are mortifying. I have seen girls lankier and bulkier than me move quicker and i am literally left trailing in their wake, eating their dust. Need to work on that and that’s when i discovered the speed ladder. Maybe it will help maybe it will not, but at least i am going to try.

Also the other thing that has been bugging me is my psychology. There is a large difference between expectation and reality. I want to be much better but i can’t afford the time. So clearly i can be better, but at a much reduced pace but i have never ever been able to reconcile that with myself. Maybe it is a high-achiever mentality; i have been told umpteen times over the years by various coaches/teachers/tutors/peers to just take a chill pill but really it is easier said than done. But lately, i am starting to annoy even myself and i think i need to put a stop on this. Did not help then that i was at Borders reading my novel and decided to browse in the soccer section. One thing led to another, and i ended up with a new book by Bill Beswick. (Actually, i am so embarrassed with myself – in my mid-twenties but still struggling with mental strength despite being in a competitive environment and profession all my life – that i am refusing to write the rather cheesy title of the book, aha.)

My poor mother was unfortunately present and had to bear witness to my rather solemn mood after the soccer session and then the incredulous need to buy a book on soccer, invest in training equipment and finally listened to me babble on about a soccer coach, all when my graduation ceremony is tomorrow, and the prefix in front of my name will change from a Miss to a Dr. She, has however, learnt wisely that no one can stop me, and you need to choose your battles and this ain’t one of them. It is just me, highly-strung over some matters that pale in significant comparison to the other major events of my life. Maybe it is a defensive mechanism on my part – to take the anxiety out of the big things and focus on the smaller less important issues. Because i know right now i ought to be worrying about my itinerary for Japan (i have not done a damn thing since i arranged the accommodation in August), analyzing my thoughts before graduation tomorrow, and planning when i should start packing and how the hell i am going to rush to the airport on time after attending a hospital seminar on Tuesday, but i am so blase it is crazy.

Anyway, this brings to mind the skipping rope that i have invested for BJJ, that i attempted to use but gave up subsequently from the lack of time, the frustration (i keep tripping although this is plainly obvious – if i train more i will trip less), and really the lack of discipline. I think i just need to accept that my life cannot revolve around a fixed timetable and i have to alter my fitness regimen around my schedule. I just do not know how. I will figure something out over the holidays i hope. So i am now hoping i can do a combined alternate regimen of skipping and agility exercises during the week. Doesn’t help when i am fully aware that mornings are best for studying when i am at my most refreshed and nights are best for workouts when i am most mentally fatigued but ready for a adrenaline-pumping cardio stint. Which also coincides with social gatherings.

Anyhow i was YouTubing agility ladder drills and this is the best so far. Am going to try to incorporate these drills. The sad part is all these planning will only translate into action in January, which is kind of far-fetched…

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