Just got back from BJJ training. These days i am more motivated to turn up for training because i want to be better. Today i fought like hell, but i still came off the mats feeling incredibly frustrated.  I think it is becoming the norm for training sessions to be exclusively males – not sure where all the females disappeared to.

There were also less players today, but those that turned up, were clearly strong – that is you could tell from their build that they possess considerable strength. The two smallest players on the mat were unsurprisingly the only Asians in the class – myself and another guy. I fought with my opponents and i was calm, and going through the techniques in my head as i attempted to execute them on the mats. The problem is i was far too weak. Technique can only compensate to a certain extent for strength, and i wish this was just an excuse to myself, but i have been realizing that is not the case. Which is bad. Because it means no amount of training will allow me to surpass this barrier unless of course, i decide to consume androgenic steroids; and that ain’t going to happen.

I distinctly remember several instances on the mat wherei told myself to calm down and just focus. I did just that yet i could not muster the strength to overcome my opponent. I was urging myself in my brain; but i could feel the lack of force in my muscles. I was already trying my best. It was just maddening. I felt so helpless. There were moments where i managed to throw my opponent off me – like the karate newcomer who was absolutely thrilled when he found himself having to put in some real work as he attempted to deflect my offensive tactics but completely stunned when i managed to flip him onto his back, or the middle-aged guy last week who was possibly a truck driver or an outdoor tradesman (looked like one, behaved like one) who was taken aback when i swept him onto his back and knee-ride him in his sternum. But i could not hold them down. They could hold me down but they could not create a submission, but that was frustrating enough for me.

Sigh. I came home feeling annoyed yet i understand that it was just not physically possible for me to overpower someone twice my weight and more than a head taller than me. Still.

Anyway, soccer tomorrow. 8 a side with complete strangers thrown together. I hope i don’t disappoint myself or my teammates.


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