I am just getting a little discouraged and over-saturated at the moment. You know what is the irony of life?

The more I read, the less I know. How? Because I start discovering that there are shit loads i do not know. Like my ever-encouraging Dean used and is still telling us – You all have great big gaping holes in your knowledge. See more patients! Read more! She would shriek like a bipolar maniac, but never once stopped to think that if she just reduce our timetable workload, maybe we do have some respite to study.

Anyway, i have noticed with increasing trepidation that my rate of assimilating new information is going rapidly downhill. Otherwise, the holes in my knowledge are more numerous than i first thought. For example, i started studying at 10am this morning. You know how many cases from this book i managed to get through? FIVE. And it is 15 minutes past 2 in the afternoon now. Try as i might, i can’t go any faster, or i will learn nothing – that is i will become confused. Don’t know why this is happening but it is, and i am starting to get mighty frustrated. However, i do have to say that this is a very good book to read; really prepares one for intern year.

And i have a futsal match later in the evening. (I signed up for it with a few of my soccer teammates because i really want to work on my skills and i learnt that that was what all those Brazilian soccer superstars started off in the first place.) I really do not have much time. I should mention some of the other activities i have lined up for myself (i know i am busy right? But i can’t stop myself, dang) – gonna go for a trial basketball session with a friend tomorrow. Mixed basketball. Initially we signed up for a beginner class, because you know, i have never played basketball proper. The last time i was in a club (when i was 16), i dropped out after a month because i could not master the layup and could not understand why i have to master that before i can play some damn basketball. See in my opinion, there’s no point working on drills if it is not going anywhere. Sometimes, it is better to get into the game, and slowly and gradually, we will get the hang of it.

The nail of my index finger that i could not salvage. Sometimes i wonder if i should explain what happened in case my patients think i have tinea.

Anyway, the club did not have vacancies in that particular session. They have, however, asked if we wanted to try out in the advanced/intermediate session. They even said we could come a half hour earlier to have some practice first. Clearly, all these sounded ominous to me. But my friend had played in some competitive basketball s few years ago, and was up for it. Also i have noticed that guys tend to over-estimate their abilities (not referring to my friend, since i have never seen him play before, but i am commenting on the general observation i have made from all my sporting endeavours over the years) whereas most females under-estimate (most because some females can be quite aggressive and i try to stay out of their way). Anyhow, it will be interesting tomorrow. Maybe i may just rip a few more nails out. (Oh, didn’t i mention? I ripped out 3 fingernails and a toe nail in the past week during BJJ training. Had i known any better, i would have thought i got myself a connective tissue disorder on my plate.) Lastly, i am also signing up for a group soccer coaching session. Now that i have found a nice team (i hope i did not just jinxed myself by saying that); i am not going to give up on my soccer. Damn, i am going to try as hard as possible to be good – it has always been a dream since i was 16 up till now.

I actually tore off the nails of my ring and index fingers. Fortunately, i managed to save the ring fingernail.

I guess i should get back to studying. This was just a minor interlude to give my poor brain a chance to recover after reading just one case (on back pain in a lady with the usual red flags that led me to think first lung cancer, then gradually discovered it was multiple myeloma and of course realizing how little i know about multiple myeloma. Argh.)


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