The root cause of my apprehension and nervousness

I finally understood what is responsible for my sense of foreboding.

A rigged election. Non-confidential votes. And much bullying into voting for a particular candidate.

A couple in charge of the two massive roles in the club; and most of us not knowing much about them even though no one else seems to recognize that.

The prolific use of “I” and “My” barely seconds into the new job scares me. The quick flash of irritation when i asked if he would ever let us down; the sneer when i asked if she wanted the role all before i voted, and the subsequent disbelief (mock or genuine, i don’t know) when she got the job.

It scares me not because i am part of the club but because i am also on the committee and i wonder if i ever have to fulfill my obligations with my hands tied, and dealing with the large prospect of authority abuse. All these would have been easier had i just kept my mouth shut, and not want to proactively rescue a fledgling club. Already, i can feel the politics.

I may have just assumed responsibility for a role that will provide minimal recognition and appreciation but that requires a very large part of my time and commitment.

Have i not learnt anything from previous lessons? To stay out of politics or anything that vaguely resembles it? With leadership roles come lots of back-stabbing and incompetent and inefficient self-absorbed people; have i not been overwhelmed by them? It makes me wonder why i seem to have this insatiable urge to stick my neck out and risk so many things over matters that really are not worth it.

I should have followed the lead of some of the other wiser and more level-headed teammates; being part of the background is easier.


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