After my first BJJ training, i accumulated the usual number of aches and pains – bruised knees, aching shoulders, headaches, sore mandible… I went for my second training, and this time i spent the whole session training with the only other female student that night. Obviously it would be fairer play since males are generally stronger. Except i am starting to realize that there may be some truth that Asians are smaller/lighter than their Caucasian counterparts.

My training partner and i were matched for height and size, but as we were grappling, i found myself trying with all my might to get her off me, or i found it very very difficult to pin her down. When i was training back in my homeland, i was easily one of the stronger females on the mat; here i am a bit taken aback to be shown otherwise. Comparing our densities, my sparring partner was definitely packed more densely than i am. I was amazed.

A friend who tried persuading me not to participate in such aggressive sport (and was clearly unsuccessful) chided that i can drop all hopes of losing weight since i very clearly want to be stronger. He has a point. I wanted to drop 10kg to my pre-judo weight, but there is a bigger reason why i participate in such sports – anger management.

I have tried everything under the sun to dissipate my anger when i am provoked, but it does not help. I tried talking to friends (helped a little), running (completely useless) and even ignorance (which intensified my anger because now i am suppressing), but always my anger fester and it does not help that i remember every incident. I can’t suffer small injustices and truly i regard that as a weakness on my part because it makes me quite miserable. And injustices are a way of life no matter where you go, and sometimes the best way to get around them is to be able to get past these things. I have never lost control and i am certainly not going to be a sitting duck waiting for my fuse to burn out. Aggressive sports like these work their charm on me. I am not sure how or why it works but there is something about being hit and lashing out that is soothing to my soul at least. My housemate volunteered to be hit (gently of course) or to hit me, but it is not the same. There’s something about a fair fight with opponents both learning the same art that holds an unspoken honour. It is hard to describe.

Anyway, i can feel all my muscles that have been laying dormant the last few years start to stir. It feels good – way better than a massage, which hurts like hell for me. My facial therapist is exasperated that for someone who indulge in such sports, i am a wimp when she tries to knead a finger into my shoulder. Argh.

Time to read up on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) before i am off for a tute.


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